


shower me into the same realm

by iwrotestuff



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Homophobia, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-03-06
Updated: 2013-03-16
Packaged: 2017-12-04 11:51:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/710494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iwrotestuff/pseuds/iwrotestuff
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt: <em>We have a lot of the dwarves being very accepting of Bilbo and Thorin getting getting together, even going as far as trying to set them up or encouraging them. I want the opposite. I want them to freak out, think it's unnatural, disgusting, wrong. They blame Bilbo for doing this to their king, for corrupting him, others think he used some sort of evil magic. Maybe they blame Thorin too, think him not being worthy of being king, and not wanting to serve him anymore.</em></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was meant to be a oneshot, but that didn't happen... updates will come as school allows.
> 
> Also, the title has nothing to do with the story, I just needed one and that was the song I was listening to at the time.

It started when a 30 year old Dís had declared rather loudly during dinner one night, that she was in love with her private tutor and when she was older, they would be married. Thorin thought nothing of it mostly because she was 30 and nothing but a child, and because this wasn't the first time his sister had expressed her “ever lasting love” to one of her private tutors. His little sister's juvenile crushes were no concern of his, and he spared no more time thinking of it.

And then his father had asked him to go fetch his sister from her lessons, and had come face to face with his sister's newest love.

The first time their eyes met, Thorin's breath caught in his throat and he felt a hot, pleasant rush of heat go through his body, followed by a swarm of butterflies and nervousness which had become unbearable when the older male smiled his way. But the good feeling faded just as quickly as it came, the butterflies died and his stomach dropped, leaving him like he had been drenched in ice cold water.

Before anything could happen, he had grabbed his sister's hand and yanked her away in a hurry and payed no attention to her complaining as he dragged her at top speed. He needed to get away, needed to think this through because there was no way, no possible way that this was happening, least to him! He was from the line of Durin! These things did not happen to Durins, no this just did NOT happen! He was a prince and future king of Erebor, he was meant to find a beautiful and powerful female dwarf to make into his queen and produce heirs with, he wasn't supposed to... to feel like this for a handsome dwarf whose smile made his knees weak like some dainty and spineless fool. And if anyone ever found out, he would exiled, hated, abandoned-

After his horrible revelation, he had taken to avoiding his sister's tutor at all costs. He forced himself to feel something and flirt with the few female servants they had, try to find some attraction and pleasure at their shy smiles and lustful glances. He would take the beautiful daughters of the nobles who hoped to marry into royalty on dates and lavish them with gifts and compliments that meant nothing...

It all proved to be rather useless. No matter what he did, it was always the very masculine smiles of his sister's tutor or the strong shoulders of his fighting instructors that had his insides fluttering and face burning. It wasn't the swell of breasts, softer bodies, and curves that he lusted after, but the sharp cuts and angles, and a hard, solid body that had his blood boiling in want. Thorin could deny it to himself as much as he wanted, and had for almost a decade before he finally had to admit (to himself at least), that he would never find dwarven women desirable. 

Oh he still pretended, make no mistake on that, but at least now he had stopped forcing himself to feel something he never would.

He still hurt and raged at himself for being... strange, but what was he meant to do? His family loved him, sure, but he had seem others, and that love would vanish in a heartbeat once the truth came out. To have his family gaze at him with disgust... the thought was too much to bare.

And so it went on like this until Erebor had been lost to a greedy dragon, and Thorin was forced to take on the role of king to his people, having no time to agonize over himself any longer. It had been a welcomed distraction for a few decades.  
-

Samuel was a man who lived in one of the human villages they had stayed in for a few months. The dwarves had been warned about the queer man a few days after arriving, and most of them had cringed with disgust and jeer. Whenever Samuel just happened to walk by, many of the dwarves pointed and mocked the man which was followed by laughter from some of the men and women out on the streets. Thorin always ducked down in both shame and sympathy. But despite the insults and such, Samuel seemed like a happy man. Not everyone in the village treated him badly,and if anything, the few who were friendly were very protective of him. It brought a small comfort to Thorin to see that there were others out there that saw nothing wrong with it.

It gave him hope that perhaps dwarves could be like that as well.

As the days went by, Thorin found himself wanting to speak with the man. He had never met someone like..someone like himself before. It made his resolve to speak with Samuel even stronger, and actually went through with it one night. 

The man had been justifiably shocked and worried when Thorin had stood in front of him. The dwarves had been nothing but cruel towards him, what was he supposed to think when their leader showed up in the middle of the night? But he must have seen something in his eyes because Samuel gave him a small smile and asked Thorin if he would like some tea.

That was how he found himself inside the small and modest home of a man who was... strange like Thorin, sitting and drinking tea as it wasn't something out of the ordinary. Samuel was patient as Thorin worked up the courage to speak, but it was obvious that the man knew what Thorin wanted to say. Eventually the words came out like a flood, and Thorin found that once he started he couldn't stop.

And after he was done speaking, exhausted and in tears, Samuel stood up and hugged the dwarf and they stayed like that until Thorin had no more tears to shed.

-

“I had it rough too.” Samuel said much later when Thorin had a chance to catch his breath. “My parents disowned me, and I was literally chased out of the place I had grown up. People who supported me and loved me changed, and instead they... they said awful things. But I just.... I just couldn't, you know, hide anymore.” He walked towards his kitchen to heat up more water, his voice getting louder as he walked away. “This place isn't perfect either as you can tell. Many people here are just as cruel as others but I also found people here who... people who care about me.”

“I know.” Thorin's voice came weak and tired, but smiled at Samuel nonetheless. “I wish... I wish I could have the same, but it's different for me. I am...a leader to my people and I can't... I can't just-”

“I thought the leader could do whatever they wanted.” 

Thorin laughed for the first time that evening.

“Heh, if it was like that I would not be here weeping like a child.”

“If it was like that, you could force of all those handsome dwarves to walk around in nothing but trousers. Now that would be a very nice sight...” Thorin chuckled when the other male smirked and wagged his eyebrows at him. “You might be short in stature but I must admit, some of you are rather to my liking.”

“Some of you men are alright, if not too tall.” Thorin shot back, a hint of playfulness coming out. Samuel beamed at him.

This was... strange. Nice but strange. He had always heard dwarves going on and on about a female dwarf's... attributes for hours, laughing and drooling over themselves with talk of breasts and soft curves. Of course he had no interest in such things, but had taken part in those talks for the sake of appearances. But now here he was, doing the same thing and actually enjoying it. It made him feel like he belonged.

-

They met late at night when no one could see, and would spend hours laughing and sharing stories, although Samuel's were rather ranchy at times due to his experience. While it was a bit alarming to hear, Thorin was also very curious about it. He had been with dwarf women before, but never a male... and listening to Samuel speak about it in such an open manner made him curious. And jealous. Very, very jealous. Not because he felt anything for Samuel, the man was good looking, but much too lanky and tall for his tastes and he could not see him beyond a friend. No, he was jealous because he wanted that experience as well. He knew of how males...did it, and found it a bit alarming at first, and had been disgusted like the others were, but his curiosity in the act was growing, especially when Samuel would speak of it.

Samuel noticed it too and understood, saying that it was normal and joked about how the hell Thorin was able to hold out for so long, and that it was some sort of miracle, and had jokingly offered his services in teaching the dwarf king the art of love making, which resulted in Thorin blushing and hitting him rather hard.

But the joking eventually started to sting. He wasn't some sex crazed creature, just... he wanted to know, and the other male noticed it and finally on a snowy day, he had asked again. But this time his tone was serious and soft. 

“Do you want to? It... it doesn't have to mean anything, Thorin... We can go as far as you feel comfortable. You can't just...I know you want to know... and...and yeah this could be strange when it comes to our friendship but... if you wanted...”

They stared at each other for a long time, both shaking in nervousness of Thorin's answer, the answer that both knew was coming.

“Yes.”  
-

It had been rather simple and not romantic at all, but it wasn't like the two of them were looking for love or anything. It worked both ways. Thorin could see what it was like and would be able to satisfy his curiosity, and Samuel could let go some of the frustrations he had. 

It wasn't something loving and touching as Thorin had always secretly envisioned. Samuel had just dropped to his knees and undid Thorin's pants and while this act wasn't new to Thorin, the fact that this was a male doing this, wrapping his fingers around his length, mouth going down on him... this was different. Then before it was over, Samuel stood up and dragged Thorin to his room and then spread himself on the bed, legs opened wide wanting and waiting for Thorin to take. Sensing his hesitation, Samuel started to prepared himself and the dwarven king couldn't deny how amazingly arousing that was, and then he was on Samuel, in him and things were just-

Thorin had enjoyed sex before, even if it had been with women. It was easy to forget about who he was with, and it really did not take much to get a male hard, but he never had the experience of enjoying the body he was with. The simple pleasure of running a hand down a flat, hard chest and the cuts of a male stomach, even if Samuel wasn't as fit as dwarves were.

The tightness was a different experience to what he had felt before which had been the reason why he had finished embarrassingly fast, but Samuel did not mock or look disappointed. Instead he took himself in hand and brought himself to a finish rather fast. After it was over they stayed in bed, both worried that maybe they had ruined their friendship... until Samuel had made some snarky remark about Thorin's timing, which ended with both of them rolling around in bed laughing. 

A few days later the dwarves decided to move on to other towns to find more work. Thorin stood tall and true as his people looked at him, ready to leave at his command. His eyes briefly made contact with Samuel, who was hiding in the shadows of his home. The smile on his face was sad, and an emotion in his eyes that Thorin dared to not look at any further. With a slight nod his way and a small smile gracing his lips, Thorin turned his gaze back to the dwarves and moved on. 

Many years later, Thorin sent out a letter in hopes to know what had become of his friend. When he received a response, it had not been from Samuel but from another man by the name of Gregor. He had been Samuel's partner for the past 30 years. The letter told Thorin many things, the most important and perhaps the most distressing being that Samuel had passed away a year ago, but that Thorin should not grieve, for Samuel had lead a happy and long life, full of love for the small group of friends that were his family. Gregor thanked Thorin for his kindness and wrote about how Samuel always had remembered Thorin with fondness and full of hope that the dwarf would one day be able to find a group of people who would accept him for who he was.

And while he was sad over the death of his friend, Thorin couldn't but smile. While Thorin could not promise Samuel that he would indeed find that acceptance he longed for, he could at least try and he hoped that this was enough. 

-

Bilbo Baggins had realized he preferred lads over lasses when he had been but a wee little hobbit. A pretty and impossibly petite hobbit lass by the name of Primrose had offered Bilbo a flower crown one afternoon while he had been running looking for elves. She demanded that Bilbo would propose to her when they became of age and that they would have many, many children. After that she gave him the crown, she took of as if nothing had happened, and Bilbo dropped the flowers without a second thought because really, he had no interest in marriage and was much more interested in finding elves. 

But a few minutes later, someone had brought back his flower crown, and Bilbo had been just about to demand to be left alone when he looked up and saw a hobbit lad who was a little older than Bilbo, holding the flower crown with a small smile on his face. And tiny, little Bilbo blushed and smiled, gently taking the crown back and thanking him.

Later that afternoon, Bilbo proceeded to let his parents know that he had met the love of his life, and although he did not know the name of the lad, he knew that the other boy was his soul mate and they were meant to marry. Belladonna Took just laughed and laughed, while Bungo Baggins sighed and rolled his eyes, but even he could not keep the smile down.

-

As the years went by, he had tried courting Primrose, who had never let go of her crush over Bilbo. He figured he would give her a chance but it became very obvious to him that while her kisses and hugs made him smile, it was the gaze of Primrose's older brother that had Bilbo's heart pounding. And then during a festival, where there had been ale which they shouldn't have been allowed to drink but they did anyway, Bilbo found himself pressed against a tree, Primrose's brother grinning down at him.

“I've seen you looking at me, Baggins... I should be upset with you, messing around with my sister when it isn't her you want.” He really should be because isn't that what older brothers did? But the smirk on his face, and the heat in eyes-

“Why aren't you?” he tried to sound strong and firm, but his voice came out breathless and thin, lust clouding his mind.

“I think it should be rather obvious...”

There was no more talking after that. Bilbo wasn't a child but was still to young to do... whatever they were doing, but he couldn't find it in himself to push the older hobbit away. A well placed thigh between his legs had been the deciding factor, and Bilbo knew no more but the friction and the heat.

They never spoke about it, and nothing came about but that was okay. It wasn't like Bilbo had been in love with the older hobbit, he just... he had wanted. 

Needless to say, Primrose and him did not last much after that, and while the girls gossiped over their break up, and the boys asked questions that were not appropriate at all, Bilbo found that he didn't care at all. There were other lads who were interested in what he wanted, and while Bilbo wasn't a stunning beauty, he knew he had some looks and his status as a Baggins was a very wanted thing. He was fairly sure he could snatch someone.

And he had. Many, many times. His mother, bless her soul, understood his youth and didn't try to push him into trying to form a lasting relationship. She simply reminded him that 'having fun' and 'love' were very different, and that while he was enjoying himself with his short lived 'romances', a relationship with meaning was much more rewarding. Bungo on the other hand... while he would have liked for Bilbo to be more interested in lasses, mostly for grandchildren, he wanted his son to find love, and stop with the games.

Bilbo had no interest in finding someone just yet though, so he continued on with his flings and summer romances.

-

When his father died, things changed. Belladonna wasn't as carefree as she once was, and spent most of her time staring out the window in a daze. There wasn't much he could do to ease his mother's pain, much less his own. He took to taking care of their home, mostly because his mother didn't seem to have the energy to do anything anymore. Many hobbits came to check on them, especially on Belladonna who would nod at the guests and look away with misty eyes, always looking out the window like Bungo would suddenly come walking up the hill. Bilbo was at his wits end.

This was when he met Rorimac. He was a farmer, taller than most hobbits and with broad shoulders and strong arms that could lift heavy crops with ease. Bilbo wasn't strong enough to carry all those things on his own, so the other hobbit had offered to help with a handsome smile and bright green eyes. It hadn't been too long after that first walk that they had stumbled onto Bilbo's bed, limbs tangled up in a frenzy of lust and no regard of being quiet. He had felt awful about that. His poor mother suffering all alone while Bilbo wailed and moaned like a common whore... there was no way she could not hear him-

“Bilbo.” 

He looked up at Rorimac who was looming over him with a lustful look that shot straight down Bilbo's spine, and for a selfish moment, he forgot his mother sitting all alone by the window, and clung onto Rorimac's strong, broad shoulders, giving a slight giggle when he realized his arms barely went around the other's torso. “I'm so small compared to you...”

“If by small you mean simply beautiful, then I agree.” 

He laughed when Bilbo poked him hard on the side.

-

His relationship with Rorimac lasted for a very long time, so long that talks about marriage had started to pop up. Hobbits poked and teased the two males who in turn would laugh and hold hands, smiling at each other. Even Belladonna, who still had her moments of sadness, would come out and tease her son, making flower crowns and leave them around their home, laughing every single time Bilbo would blush when Rorimac would find one. What no one knew was that they already had decided to marry, they just... they wanted to wait until the winter was over. They wanted the spring and flowers. They wanted a place of their own, somewhere they could build a home together out of their love for one another. Or perhaps travel like Bilbo had always daydreamed, find those elves he had always been looking for...

So with that plan in mind, they smiled and played ignorant over all the talks about marriage, and waited.

Bilbo would regret that for years to come.

-

“I love you.” Bilbo giggled when the words were whispered against his throat, a tongue making an appearance before pulling back. “Anything you wanted from Bree?” the statement was followed by a hand slipping down his pants.

“Oh you- my mother is waiting for you!” Bilbo pushed at the hand, but despite his scolding tone, his eyes were bright with playfulness. “Now go!”

He watched his mother and lover walk away, smiles on both of their faces and promising to come back before dinner. His mother's eyes had that glow to them again, that everlasting yearning for adventure was back, he had Rorimac in his life, and just a few days away from getting married... everything was perfect.

-

The funerals had been short since there had to be so many of them. Bilbo stood in front of his mother's grave, who had been buried right next to Bungo, now they could be together in eternity. He vaguely wondered if his mother was at peace now, because despite her kicking her depression out of the way, there was not a day she would not look out her window with a small smile, still looking for the man she loved. Now he could understand her pain. To lose the love of your life...

Bilbo sobbed, hugging himself as tightly as he could and wailing even louder when the strength of his arms was not as strong as Rorimac's embrace, would never be enough. 

...Rorimac had survived the attack... survived long enough just so Bilbo could watch him die. He screamed and sobbed for days, locked up in Bag End for longer than anyone could bear to watch. Hamfast would pound away at the door, begging for Bilbo to come out, to eat something, to just let someone check on him.

It had taken a week for Bilbo to start speaking to others once again and like his mother, he shut himself down and stared out his window for hours, almost like he was expecting Rorimac to come walking up the hill. His yearning for adventure died as well, almost like if he left, all the memories of his mother and fiance would just fade away. 

While others found love and married, Bilbo Baggins opted to be alone in his misery, convinced that his fate was to be alone for the rest of his life.

Eventually though, he did heal. Well, heal as much as he was able to, and it took a long time. Rorimac and his mother wouldn't want him to suffer for the rest of his life, after all. Belladonna would kick his sorry arse until he started to live again, and Rorimac would encourage him to... to find someone else. To move on. The thought of him meeting someone new, let alone falling in love again was too much at the moment, and it would be for a long time, but maybe... maybe it was possible. But not right now, not when the wound was still as raw as that horrible night.

-

It did take a long time, but eventually the thought of Rorimac didn't make his eyes water and heart ache, but always brought a small smile to his face as he gazed out his window.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bilbo and Thorin meet, and are conflicted with the attraction they feel for one another. One worried about what others will think, while the other feels unworthy of the love of a king.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like this chapter goes all over the place, but it's the only way I felt it work. It should have more of a structure next chapter (and more angst because I can't write happy things, it seems) and it should flow much better.

“He is here.”

Bilbo stared around in confusion as all the dwarves had gone silent, hell even Gandalf had stopped rambling his insane... wizardy talk. When no one made a move to open the door, Bilbo rolled his eyes and stormed off and with a harsh pull, the door opened and he stared at the dwarf in front of him.

Despite all his clothing and armor, Bilbo could tell that the dwarf was made of muscle and the hobbit idly wondered what it would feel like to rub his hands down that chest. Hobbits, even strong ones like Rorimac had been, still had some sort of pudginess to them, they were not made of pure muscle at all, which mostly came from large meals and an easy going life. Bilbo did not know what flat, strong abs felt like, and looking at the dwarf in front of him, Bilbo found himself wanting to know...

..up until the dwarf opened his mouth. After insulting the hobbit and treating him like he was nothing, all the attraction that Bilbo had initially felt faded away. Looks could only go so far before personality won. And this... Thorin Oakenshield was just plain rude!

 

-

 

The moment he made eye contact with the hobbit, Thorin felt that familiar surge of butterflies come over him. The hobbit was... small. There was no muscle at all in that small body and if the slight curve of his stomach said anything, the hobbit did not do any type of physical activities. That should have been some sort of turn off for Thorin, he had always liked males with a sort of strength to them, but the halfling's curvy form was... exotic.

Clean faces and soft, rounder bodies. Not something he ever thought to be attractive but here he was, staring....

Everything about him seemed delicate and soft, like his curly hair (he assumed it was soft) that was the color of honey and how it framed his face ever so nicely. His pointed ears were a little alarming since they resembled the ears of an elf, if not a bit rounded at the tips, but admittedly... they looked... rather.... adorable? Thorin found himself wanting to throw up at the thought, but it didn't make it less true. He had big, impossibly blue eyes that were filled with mild distrust and confusion, but also a determination to not back down. Thorin found he liked that.

He also found himself about to act very foolish, so he did the first thing he could think of.

“So... this is the hobbit?”

The halfling was not impressed.

It was probably for the best though... Thorin could not afford to act on impulse over some simple attraction.

 

-

 

As the night went on and the specifics of their quest were explained, Thorin and Bilbo kept stealing glances at each other and the few times their eyes met, Thorin would growl to himself and look away, while Bilbo would scowl and turn his attention somewhere else. Both of them always sported a very light and mild blush to their faces.

Gandalf rolled his eyes.

 

-

 

When Bilbo agreed to come along on their quest, which was met with lots of cheering from the others, Thorin found himself torn between relief and dread. Despite their slight misunderstanding Thorin rather liked Bilbo Baggins, he seemed like simple and gentle soul who really should not come along in such a dangerous journey. But mostly, Thorin was afraid of how he would act around the hobbit. It wasn't like he would just try something with him, it was more of the principle of being attracted to their burglar. They were hiring Master Baggins for a job, for Mahal's sake... but most importantly, he couldn't afford to make any mistakes, even if Thorin wasn't going to try anything. He had been so very careful to not let anyone even suspect that their king was...was attracted to males, and he had a very large obligation to keep it that way.

Especially now when his nephews were traveling along. Just the thought of them looking at him with disgust and disappointment, and then his sister finding out... his friends, and these dwarves who had pledged their loyalty to him, all of that would be ruined and taken away if he wasn't careful.

He really, really wished Master Baggins had been more a coward, for both of their sakes.

 

-

 

It wasn't until Rivendell that things started to become dangerous.

Being in the company of elves, even if they were not of Mirkwood, still did not sit well with Thorin. He wasn't the only one in his mistrust, for his company, for the exception of Gandalf and the burglar, were not comfortable enough to relax and eyed every elf with a sense of distrust. Still, he could not find it in him to be too ungrateful for the shelter and food they were offering.

After Lord Elrond had examined the map and Thorin was dismissed, instead of going straight to bed like he should, the dwarf found himself wondering out in the gardens. He knew that he needed to sleep for they had a long ways to go, but all the nervous energy from finding out about the contents of the map and what had to be done, he couldn't find in him to even try. It sounded more productive to at least have a walk, with full intentions of finding anything wrong with elves' gardens, of course.

He hated to admitting that Rivendell was quite beautiful...

“Master Oakenshield?”

Turning slowly, Thorin came face to face with the halfling, who was sitting on the grass, arms leaning back. His position suggested he had been looking at the sky.

It suddenly hit him of how romantic this atmosphere seemed, and hated himself when his heart skipped a beat. He really should leave-

“I thought you would be asleep by now...”

“I could say the same for you, Master Baggins.”

Bilbo smiled shyly up at him before giving a small chuckle. “I just... wanted to see this place before we left... I know that you dwarves do not care for elves but...well,” he paused as he stood up and stretched his arms high above his head. “When I was a little lad, I always wanted to meet elves. My mother always told me stories and well, here am I. This quest is dangerous Master Oakenshield, who knows what could happen. What if this is my only chance?” he finished by turning his whole body towards Thorin, a small smile gracing his face.

The dwarf's breath caught in his throat, and for an insane moment, he longed to pull that small hobbit towards him and run his hands through his hair.

Instead, he took a deep breath and turned his gaze towards the stars.

“I loath to admit that this place is quite beautiful.” He frowned when Bilbo gave a small giggle. “And what is so funny, burglar?”

The halfling smiled at him and walked to stand next to him, and it took all of Thorin's self control to not lean towards the other body heat. “Careful now, I would think that perhaps you don't hate elves as much as you say.” he teased, voice dropping in tone. Thorin was very tempted to run back inside.

“Don't push it.”

All he got as a response was laughter and a small pat on his arm before the hobbit walked away, leaving Thorin alone in the garden. The dwarf king held his breath until he could no longer feel the presence of the hobbit.

This was very dangerous.

 

-

 

Try as he might, Bilbo could not try to blame his wanting for Thorin's approval to have something to do with wanting to belong to the company. Everyone else had shown kindness and acceptance, especially Bufor and Balin, who would sit down and satisfy his curiosity of dwarves for hours if they were allowed to. Bilbo had known people who had disliked him, and he had done a great enough job at ignoring them and making them equally as miserable.

No, this was different and as much as he tried to deny it and try to shove it away, Bilbo could only drown himself in denial for so long before it would come and blow all over his face.

He fancied Thorin. It was that simple. Despite his awful attitude and bad manners, the king's other qualities such as his bravery, dedication to his people and his hidden fussiness over his nephews were very admirable qualities. It also helped that Thorin was gorgeous.

But what was he to do? Thorin was a king, and most importantly, definitely not interested in pudgy little hobbits who couldn't hold a blade to save their lives. And even if he managed to prove that he could hold his own, the fact remained that it was a hopeless case. Mostly because Thorin was a king, and kings... well, they needed queens to produce heirs, and unless dwarves were very different from hobbits, it was most likely that male dwarves did not have the ability to be with child. And besides, it wasn't like he was in love with Thorin or anything, he just... he liked him.

Bilbo liked him enough that maybe it could become something stronger if he let it. Something as strong as what he had felt for Rorimac... This wasn't something he could take lightly though. It was not like this was something he could have. Thorin was a king and he had responsibilities, and Bilbo?

Bilbo was a little hobbit from the Shire who had nothing to offer anyway. But really, such thinking did not matter, because really, Bilbo was not in love with Thorin or anything.

_Not yet._

 

-

 

The moment Thorin and Bilbo's eyes had met, Gandalf felt like he had made a mistake.

Bilbo's stance had become rigid and his eyes had become heated when Thorin turned his attention to him. Thorin himself had not been any better. The dwaven king's eyelids dropped slightly, his nostrils flared and the slight up and down that he had done with his eyes was so borderline indecent that Gandlaf looked around the room to see if anyone else had noticed, but of course they hadn't. Why would they think that their king would look at another male like that, especially a hobbit?

Gandalf knew of the dwarves' ways and views, and while he disagreed with their thinking on such a topic, it wasn't like he could try to change their minds. This was centuries of discrimination and hate, it was not something that could be changed in a short amount of time. Gandalf himself could not understand such thinking for many reasons, and when it came to the dwarves, it was even more mind blogging. With such low amounts of female dwarves, it would be almost natural for the males to go after one another for the lack of chances to lay with another. It seemed like it was a form of pride to hold out and not sink to that level of desperation. They couldn't seem to grasp the concept of just being attracted to someone of the same gender (he lightly wondered if there were any female dwarves that were attracted to each other, but that could be another question for another day...).

It was tragic, Thorin's situation. The pillar to his people and he had no comfort to take, no chance to be himself fully and truly. Gandalf's heart went out to him. He also felt a sense of shame for knowing something that the king had been obviously been keeping to himself, but the dwarf was not as good as he liked to think when it came to hiding. Maybe the other dwarves were blind to the signs, mostly because it would never even cross their minds that their leader and king was attracted to males (and in this case, a male hobbit), so they had remained blissfully ignorant.

And then there was Bilbo Baggins. Hobbits were very accepting of such relationships, for their only concern in life was to be happy and love as freely as they could, and if that entitled wanting to be with someone of the same gender, then so be it.

Oh Gandalf knew of Bilbo's partner that had died during those awful winter attacks (and also of Belladonna Took, and just the thought of her made Gandalf's heart ache at the loss of that remarkable woman), knew of Bilbo's heartache, a reason why he had sought him out, hoping that a small part of that adventurous young hobbit was still there. But now... now this could be a problem. Hobbits did not have issues with same gender relationships, and if Bilbo wanted to make his attraction know, well... that would not go well.

At the moment, it seemed nothing would come of it, Thorin was forcing himself to look away, and Bilbo was not impressed with Thorin's manners.

So yes, at the moment there was nothing to worry about, but who knew when that would change, for love had a strange and incredibly way to sneak up when no one was looking, not caring of what the situation was.

 

-

 

The hug had been a mistake. Perhaps the biggest one Thorin had ever made in his entire life, because now he knew what it felt like to have Bilbo Baggins in his arms, his earthly, homely smell, how soft his curls were, how it felt like to have the hobbit's smaller arms try to wrap around him and how they barely could go around his torso. He wanted this moment to last forever, to breath in his unique smell, bury his face in honey colored hair and just-

But he couldn't, so he pulled back, slowly and looked down at Bilbo, and his heart stopped.

Bilbo's face was lightly flushed, eyes bright as he started up at the dwarf, a soft, soft, incredibly soft smile on his face. Thorin knew he probably looked like that as well. His mouth opened and closed a few times before he spoke. He thanked the gods that no one of his company could see him, and that he was blocking Bilbo from their view.

“I am sorry I doubted you.” He was surprised how his voice did not waver, how he sounded normal, at least normal to everyone else, because Bilbo's eyes widened and his smile became brighter than before, his cheeks redder, and it was obvious that he could read between the lines. Could understand what Thorin himself had not wanted to say. Had wanted to say for some time now. Bilbo's mouth moved, speaking to him but Thorin could not hear them, his heart hammering in his chest.

“..not even a burglar.” Bilbo finished with a small chuckle, looking up with humor in his eyes.

The dwarf king felt his fingers itch to... to pull him against his chest again, hold his hand... something. Instead, he smiled back, took a deep breath and turned back to face the others, and his eyes caught their forgotten home, and everything else was put on hold for the moment.

His heart skipped a beat when Bilbo walked up and stood next to him.

 

-

 

Gandalf felt his heart squeeze in both happiness and sadness as he watched the the king and the hobbit. He closed his eyes, a thousand apologies running through his head, but then he caught the small smile on Thorin's face, and the gentle blush on Bilbo's cheeks... and realized that, no matter what happened after this moment, he would be there for the these two. He would not let them think for one moment, that this... whatever this thing between them was, was something to be ashamed of.

He would not let Thorin think that this was not something he could have.

 

-

 

As they sat around the campfire, laughing and talking, Bilbo and Thorin's fingers found each other, squeezing lightly for a second before anyone noticed. But someone had. Just as he had noticed back at the top of that rock, the small, almost invisible moment of mutual understanding that they shared, a moment he wished he could erase from his mind, because that was not something he was meant to see. An unwilling witness in a tragedy that was being set up right in front of his eyes, with nothing he could do.

Balin closed his eyes and smiled sadly at his king and the small hobbit, who were just as oblivious as the rest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I figured that if I was using a line from a song as a title, I might as well use the entire song and do the same for the chapter names. Although I really hate that I had to use this line, since it's like, almost the same as the title but it couldn't be helped.
> 
> As always, let me know what you think.


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